Be instant out of season...

They never told me to be instant in season and out... Wait a minute! I guess maybe they did tell me about this. Even if they had not told me, scripture is pretty clear about being always ready. I just never knew exactly how that would really show up in ministry life.

When I left Liberty Bible College in 1975, I joined my Father-In-Law, Dallis Johnson, in the church he had planted a couple of years earlier, New Hope Church near DeLand, Florida. It was a great place to begin ministry.

One Sunday afternoon just as I was settling in for a little sleepy time, he called and said, "Hey, I think you should plan to preach tonight." That was at a time when we still had Sunday night services every Sunday. I explained that I was not really prepared to preach but he said that was OK, that God would give me something. In a panic, I left sleepy time behind and rushed to the church to pray and prepare. I had about three hours to get ready. Keep in mind, I just did not have enough experience under my belt to prepare a sermon in three hours. Neither did I have a bank of sermons or even adequate study habits to fall back upon. Needless to say, I searched the concordance (literally) until I found something to speak about. I have no recollection what the sermon topic was that night, but I'm sure it was quite brutal for the congregation to have to hear. I will always be grateful for those wonderful people who patiently endured my early days of ministry. Several remain our close friends after 30 years and still encourage me by remembering those days as good times in our spiritual lives together.

A couple weeks later, Dallis called me again one Sunday afternoon about 3:00 and told me to preach that night. I noticed this time it was not so much a request as it was an expectation and that I should not even argue my lack of readiness. Again, feeling very much unprepared, I rushed to the church to try to get ready. A few weeks later, the same scenario repeated itself. In fact, it became part of the norm of my ministry life to expect that call on Sunday afternoons. I even learned to discern during the morning service, based on Dallis' demeanor in preaching, whether to expect a phone call at 3:00 that afternoon. Needless to say, I figured out that every day was "in season" with Dallis. While I was stressed to the max for weeks on end fearing he would make that afternoon call, I did learn to "be ready".

Twenty years later in Fairhope, Alabama, our church agreed to support a local Church of God In Christ by attending revival services they were holding in a tent set up in their parking lot. It was important to them that I, as a local Pastor, be honored by being seated on their makeshift plywood stage with their ministers. After a rousing worship service in which that old organ literally rocked our little stage, the host Pastor announced that the guest minister would bring the scripture reading for the evening. Everyone was standing waiting for the out-of-town guest minister to step forward with the reading. After an awkward moment, the church Elder beside me leaned over and said, "That's you, my Brother." That old familiar feeling of panic quickly rose inside me. As I approached the podium, I wondered if someone had been responsible for telling me about this moment; was there supposed to be a specific scripture to be read that evening; was there even a theme of which I should be aware? In a daze, I vaguely remember flipping open the Bible, alighting my eyes on a passage of scripture and reading it with all the passion I could muster under the circumstances. Whatever I read, it seemed to satisfy and even encourage all present.

Glad that was over, I settled in for a long evening in which the real out-of-town guest minister preached the proverbial "everything from Genesis to Revelation" sermon. Then he prayed for everyone there, kicking up the dirt and sawdust floor with his zeal. It was quite a scene that must have impressed even the devil himself. By this time it was after 10:00 in the evening. Quite frankly, it had been my plan to slip out much earlier, but remember, I was in the honored seat on the stage. Finally it seemed everything was over and I was glad we would soon be leaving. Again the host Pastor came to the podium, I thought to dismiss us. But noooo..., he again introduced me and announced I would now come and bring a sermon. He had to be kidding, right?

Nevertheless, I was "on" again. I assured the congregation I would be brief due to the lateness of the hour. I was happy it had been my practice to make little outline notes in the wide margins of my study Bible. I was able to go to a passage and give a 10-minute sermonette that appeased the host Pastor and relieved the congregation, I'm sure.

Those were memorable days and I did indeed learn to "be instant". Yes, I guess they really did tell me about this in Bible College, but I couldn't have truly experienced the power of this scripture any other way than to be thrust into inconvenient moments in which the Holy Spirit graciously showed up.

I'm A Better Lover Than...

I'm a better lover than... Well, before I finish that thought, let me set this up. We've all heard funny stories about some of the well intentioned words of wisdom that have somehow come out all wrong. One of the comments on my first blog was about B.T. mistakenly using the word, 'concubine' instead of 'combine' (as in a farm implement) throughout his sermon. I'm sure many of his "fans" relished making him aware of his mistake after the sermon was finished.

I have a couple of favorites that I am grateful to have not spoken. I am equally grateful that I was present to hear my friends utter words that could not be recovered before the humorous damage was done. One preacher tried to communicate the concept of being self-deprecating. However, in the passion of anointed preaching, we were exhorted instead to be "self-defecating". Someone blurted out, "Well, I HOPE that is something you do by yourself!" Another gave a clarion call for the listeners to come "prostitute themselves at the altar". There were no takers and the altar remained empty that evening. A colleague and I jointly officiated a wedding. As he prayed the Benedictory Prayer of Blessing, he eloquently besought The Lord to "bless this couple in every situation and circumcision, uh...every circumstance...".

One of my earliest blushes came shortly after I entered the ministry. I noted that I had recently observed that being a good pastor was more about loving people than about being a good preacher. As I glanced down at the pulpit, I continued, "...and I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm a better lover than I am a preacher." As the words drifted across the congregation in the silent moment that followed, I finally dared lift my eyes in horror to discover that everyone present was doing his best to stifle the laughter. In a mistaken effort to cover my blunder, I shouted above the laughter, "But, but the only way you will know that for sure is to ask my wife," at which point she roared, "Don't ask me. I'm not lying for him!"

They just never told me in Bible College that anointed preaching could be so human!

They Never Told Me This in Bible College

Bible College was full of promise. We had great professors who were knowledgeable and who gave us the benefit of years of experience. Our minds were filled with The Word of God, our hearts with passion. We were going to change the world. We were unstoppable. We launched into ministry with everything we needed to meet the needs of the broken, hurting masses. We were Pastors, Missionaries, Evangelists.

It took only a very short while to discover there just were going to be circumstances of which no Professor could ever forewarn us...because no one in Bible College would ever have imagined these events as part of everyday ministry life. No one could have prepared us for dog funerals, overflowed baptistry tanks, disrespect for the office of Pastor by the base runner rushing the catcher (Pastor) at home plate during the church-wide picnic and softball game. We would not have believed the Professors if they had told us we would have to sit in the dunk tank at the Fall Festival, that we would have to clean the toilets, that we would have to lead the Christmas Sunday music even though one had no musical skill whatsoever. We could not have dreamed that Sermon props could go so badly, that verbal faux pas would ever be so embarrasing, that so many people could actually sleep through your sermons or plug in their transistor radio earpiece while you were preaching. OK, OK, that's an IPod these days.

I think you get my drift. The stories I will share on this blog are real stories from my 33 years of ministry. Sometimes the names will be changed to protect the innocent; sometimes the real names will be used to expose the guilty. The bottom line is, "They never told me about this in Bible College!"