They Never Told Me That Not Everyone Is Transparent.

People say that they appreciate my transparency. The problem is that I know myself and I sure don't feel very transparent a lot of the time. If there is any transparency in me, I'm not sure I can say that becoming transparent was a natural process for me. I'm not sure it is natural for anybody. We all have a tendency to put forward our best foot, to maybe talk and act as we think other people want to perceive us. We want to hide the innermost thoughts and feelings that betray the fact we are not all we are cracked up to be. We Christians seem especially to struggle with this. We certainly have our own language, Christianese, and we have developed a carefully crafted set of Christian platitudes that are not always, but can be, empty and meaningless.

I'm not about to suggest that all conferences and retreats are bad. However, it can be very painful for the minister whose church is in the middle of a difficult time to get to the retreat and hear the glowing reports from everyone else present. The feeling is that I must be doing something wrong; I must not be a good leader; I must be the problem in our church. It took only a few years in the ministry to discover just how difficult it is to be open and honest with other ministers.

One year in particular, Dallise and I headed off to the annual retreat. We were not very excited because we had been going through a difficult year. I was not looking forward to pretending that all was well. We decided that we would be honest about our emotions and confess the hard times, but also that we were trusting God. We did not even get to the registration table before we had been greeted by two or three close minister friends. "Hey, Bro Philip. It's great to see you. How are thing going in your church? Great, I'm sure; just like ours. Isn't it great to be a Pastor?" Well, my response was, "Not so great right now. We had a rough year. Some key people left. Our finances are down and we're struggling a bit. But we are also believing God and know He will see us through this time. It will get better. We're just needing some encouragement." Honestly, some of our friends did not know quite how to handle us. We just kept being honest at this retreat because it was the only way we knew to ask for help and understanding. Finally, on the third day of the conference, one of our best friends broke down and admitted he had been going through all the same things we had experienced and that he too was discouraged. It took him three days, but he finally got transparent with us and we were then able to encourage each other honestly. The honesty was refreshing and liberating.

Maybe you notice that I value being real and that I do not value pretence. One of the best compliments I have ever had made about me was from my daughter-in-law, Charis. A co-worker once asked her how she could deal with her father-in-law being a Pastor. The co-worker's perception was that Pastors are different out of the pulpit than in it, and how could Charis deal with that difference. Charis' response was that it was not a problem for her because her father-in-law was the same both out of and in the pulpit. I was honored by her kindness.

Although I wish it were always true about me, I appreciate that occasionally someone may see and appreciate the real me. It sure seems to make life easier and more enjoyable when I don't have to remember who I think I'm supposed to be to make others happy. I think I'm just gonna have to be me, you know - the me God wants me to be.

They Never Told Me Just How Little Time

I would actually have for prayer, study, and personal devotion. Maybe they did tell me how difficult, yet important it would be to prioritize my day for personal preparation, but did I believe them? Naively, NO! When I was in Bible College, I worked a 40-hr week and took classes at night. It seemed all I did was work, eat, study and sleep. I left for work (BTW, making $3.00/hr and proud of it) at 7:00am, got home at 5:30pm, showered, ate dinner and left at 6:00pm for 6:30-9:30 classes, arriving home at 10:00pm. Every day was full.

I remember thinking how glad I would be when I was finally out of school and into ministry. I envisioned myself enjoying unending and uninterrupted hours of prayer and study. There would be no time restraint on the devotional side of life. After all, this would be the most important facet of personal ministry, right? Keeping myself spiritually alive, basking in God's instruction to my spirit would be key.

Wow, was I ever wrong about that! It was frustrating just how demanding everyday administration could be; and, oh how demanding all those people could be. Didn't they know I needed to be with Jesus? Now, I'm no Moses sitting in the gate or under the tree in the wilderness "judging" 3M+ people, but I felt a bit disconcerted at ending a day and realizing I had not spent adequate time with The LORD. I always thought ideally that if I could just take care of one issue or another, I would then have the time to study for myself and not just for a sermon.

Well, here I am 33 years later, still trying to figure out how to be successful at managing my devotional time. I once listened to a Christian radio show host interview an author who had written a book on how to have a consistently successful family devotional life. The more I listened as I drove down the road, the more guilty I felt. We had times, seasons maybe, when our kids were young that we would get somewhat consistent, but we never broke the distraction issues for long, consistent periods. This author really sounded like he had it together, and I certainly did not. Right at the end of the program, the host asked the author, "How do you make this all work in your family since you travel so often and always on the road away from your family?" The author replied, "Oh, I don't do so well at this myself." Well, I was all alone in my car, but I looked at the radio dial and screamed aloud, "You what!!!! All this time I'm feeling guilty because of you, and now you tell me you don't do this so well yourself!!?? How dare you!" Well, needless to say, I did not buy his book on Family Devotions, nor anything else he ever wrote.

The bottom line, I figured out, is that time is really not the issue with most of us. We will make time for the things that mean the most to us. I met a young man a few years ago who played soccer passionately. Because of hectic lifestyles, their games were played at 11:00pm and later. Another young man I know and love has been playing a basketball tournament at 10:00pm and later. It just points out that devotion is not a time issue, but a priority issue.

By the way, I'm not writing a book about prioritizing one's life for devotions. I'm still working on it myself. When I get it perfected, I'll start the book and inform you where you can pick up a copy.

Get me out of this hospital room!

For some Ministers, hospital visitation is one of the most tedious of pastoral responsibilities. For me, it has proven to be one of the most Life-Giving facets of ministry. Some of my training for hospital visitation informed me that I should get in, see the patient, say a quick prayer and get out ASAP. Sometimes, when a patient is extremely ill or deeply medicated, that is obviously the way the visit should go.

But I have found through the years that it can often be most advisable to spend as much time as possible with patients and their families. I found it a profound ministry to sit at the hospital with patients and families for entire days at a time. I am listing below some of the fun things, some of the funny things, some of the poignant things that have happened to me around the hospital visit.

* It was in the hospital waiting room that my church members learned I used Tanning Lotion to soften the glare of my extreme whiteness.
* It was in the waiting room that I perfected the telling of some of my favorite jokes.
* It was in the waiting room that I learned intimate things about these families and they learned them about me.
* It was in the waiting room that I laughed with families as we told stories, and it was like medicine.
* It was in the waiting room that I cried with families, and it was like healing.
* It was in the hospital room that I learned a lot about medicine, even though the Dr's were ready for me to be quiet and leave so they could speak to the patient.
* It was in the hospital room that I saw the real person without makeup, without the fancy clothes, without any pretense, and they didn't care how I saw them, as long as I saw them.
* It was in the hospital that I saw God touch Sonny after his heart surgery and a supernatural peace came over him when God's anointing fell upon him.
* It was in the hospital that many private confessions were tearfully made to me in absolute confidence.
* It was in the hospital that widowed daughters and wives, husbands, children and parents met me coming in with open arms and shameless tears of appreciation that their Pastor had cared enough to come.
* It was in the hospital that parents voiced the fears and questions about their sick child that could never have been spoken anywhere else without shame and condemnation.
* It was in the hospital that God through anointed prayer raised up a neighbor from certain death. It was absolutely a miracle.
* It was in the hospital that one touch of my hand to my friend's shoulder made it perfectly clear she had left her body and gone to be with Jesus.
* It was in the hospital that I was privy to a dynamic family gathering around the death bed of its patriarch singing hymns as he was removed from life support.
* It was in the hospital that we sat silently watching a family mourn quietly and knowing it would be an interruption of holiness to say anything.
* It was in the waiting room that families exchanged questioning and worried looks as we waited for news of the surgical success.
* It was in the hospital waiting room that I could serve families in practical ways; getting drinks and snacks; going to the nurses' station for an update when the family was afraid to ask, but afraid not to ask; speaking words of hope or words of reality when necessary; calling family members with updates; calling out-of-town family members to summon them to the bedside; providing transportation.
* and of course there was prayer, intense prayer, intercessory prayer, comforting prayer, releasing prayer.
* It was in the hospital that I spent an entire day helping a family let go.
* It was in the hospital that I rejoiced the most when unexpectedly good news was shared.

I guess there's a place and a time to get in, see the patient, say a quick prayer and get out. But most of the time ministry just takes more time. I believe, in looking back at over 30 years of ministry, most of my church families will remember me more for being THERE than for the sermons preached, and that is just fine with me. It was in the hospital that I discovered how to love, hurt, care, serve, grieve, hope and rejoice.

Nobody Had To Tell Me About ...

the importance of a supportive, loving wife when it comes to ministry. On this Valentine's Day, 2009, Dallise and I have been married just about 36 1/2 years. I cannot think of any way in the world that I would or could have have faced all these years in the ministry without her.

We were married on Sunday, August 6, 1972. At the end of that week, the end of our Honeymoon trip to St Augustine, FL, we moved into our little 12' x 52' mobile home that still had not been leveled and properly set up. About two weeks later, I began Bible College classes at Liberty Bible College. Dallise was there when I dreamed at night about the big exam on I & II Samuel, walking in my sleep trying to find the answers in the staple on the wall. She calmly led me back to bed and assured me I would do well, and I did. She sat on the low tree limb in the back yard asking me questions from different Books of the Bible and made me feel invincible for the ministry days ahead.

When we chose to spend a summer interning with her Dad in his new church plant, she was willing and excited to sell our little mobile home and leave for a 3-month adventure. At the end of the summer, when it was time to go back to college, she helped me load our rented U-Haul and head back to Pensacola even though we had not secured a place to live once we arrived. Friends housed us overnight, and the next morning we found a house to rent. Her faith was unwavering even in such uncertainty. Two years after that we headed back to DeLand, FL to spend the next 12 years of minstry in the little town we called "DeLand of Promise". Her faith was unshaken as we watched a 10-hour torrential downpour practically destroy the little bit of furniture we were transporting in an open trailer.

Twelve years later, when we resigned and had no where to go, she is the one who sat up in the middle of the night and had a vision of going to Birmingham, AL where we found a place of ministry that lasted another 8 years.

When we were debating the move to Fairhope, AL and I was feeling overwhelmed with the enormity of the moment, she said, "Let's go!" Eight years after that, we were considering a church plant in Chicago. We knew there was risk of failure, but she agreed that if that venture was not successful, we would figure out together what to do next. That is exactly what has happened and she has encouraged me all the way. Now while I am working at Chase Bank and sometimes feel I am missing my Calling, she reminds me that I am still being used by God to minister to people I would never see in "Official Church Leadership".

My point is that I have never had to make a major, life-altering decision apart from her. She has been with me all the way. I cannot imagine this journey without her. That makes her far more valuable than simply a Valentine on this February 14. She is life to me! Happy Valentine's Day, my indispensable Partner in Life!!

They Never Told Me About Musicians...

When I was a kid, the first Christian TV programming was just hitting the airwaves; shows like Oral Roberts and his healing ministry and lots of Gospel Quartets. I was captured by the Gospel Quartets. I loved the music. It touched something in my soul. Music still does that to me. The strains of melody minister to my soul and the words are the confession of my beliefs. I need it often.

Musicians are a creative and wonderfully talented bunch of people, but they can be a little quirky. Nobody told me this in Bible College; nobody told me that some of the most intense fellowship occurs between the Pastor and the Worship Pastor as they both try their best to be obedient to the Holy Spirit.

I have worked with people who are extravagantly talented musicians leading with professional quality and I have worked with some who are not formally trained musicians, but have an incredible sense of the flow of the Holy Spirit for a service. I have also worked with musicians who do not necessarily shine in either of these departments. These fall under the heading of "making a joyful noise unto the Lord". As a Pastor, you sometimes just utilize what you have and pray for rescue. Sometimes you just give people a chance knowing their hearts are pure; sometimes purity of heart is the best quality going for you. In all honesty, I have been pretty blessed through the years to have some amazing Worship Leaders in the small churches we have served.

There was a time early in our ministry that was characterized by an incredible worship experience for months on end. We hosted a joint praise service, High Praises, one Friday night each month and invited other churches to participate. We experienced two hours or more of pure worship without interruption; no preaching, no announcements, just worship. Wave upon wave of God's presence overwhelmed us in those meetings. One minute we would be prostrate on the floor in awed wonder and the next leaping and shouting for joy. I've never experienced anything quite like it since.

It was while we pastored this church that we were blessed with an interesting team of musicians. Our pianist was narcoleptic. Yes, you read that correctly. She would strike a chord on the piano during a time of spontaneous worship and nod off to sleep. About the time you thought all was lost, she would rouse long enough to hit the next chord. We also had a deaf drummer at this same time. Yes, again you read that correctly. He was totally deaf in one ear and partially deaf in the other. He was a teenager who wanted desperately to be part of the team, so we gave it a shot. He wore headphones and really tried, but we did ultimately have to ask him to leave the music team. We had a fair trombonist at this time and a guitarist who we discovered later frequented the local bars as an entertainer.

Incredible, huh? It is amazing to me that God was anywhere near that whole thing, but we sure did enjoy HIS presence in those days. In some ways, I miss the excitement and spontaneity of those encounters with the Holy Spirit. Alas, we have come a long way, baby.

Musicians; you gotta love 'em!

They Never Told Me About Failure...

I suppose every Bible College student goes into ministry with expectations of glowing success. Most of us experience an abundance of success stories, especially when we have invested in the lives of the people around us. I don't remember, though, that I was prepared for the failures of ministry I would face, and honestly now in hindsight, I'm not sure anyone can be prepared for failure. Programs were unproductive, outreaches failed, not every person who came through the church doors were saved and discipled, and even churches as a whole might shut down.

I remember about 25 years ago praying that God would never call me to plant a church. Nevertheless, we left Alabama in 2003 bound for Chicago to do that very thing. Dallise and I understood in advance the risk of failure. The following letter written in October, 2006, describes the end of that endeavor.

"Dear Friends,

Dallise and I want you, our friends and prayer partners, to know The Gathering Place Church will be closing at the end of October, 2006.

Dallise recently read a magazine article about Katie Couric's move from the Today Show to the CBS Evening News Anchor position. Asked about the format of the evening news, "'Some things are going to work and some things aren't,' she says matter-of-factly. 'I believe in noble failure.'"

That phrase caught my attention. I looked it up on the internet for further insight. Charles Schwab says, "The idea that failure is okay is ridiculous. But here at Schwab we differentiate between noble failure and stupid failure." Among his criteria for defining noble failure, Schwab included, "...you have a good plan and know what you're doing, you've thought it through carefully, and have implemented with sufficient management discipline, that if you look back in review, you'd conclude that it was thoughtfully done."

We launched out three years ago with prayer, with counsel from many whom we respect and with an obedient spirit. We got off to a good start with a plan and a passion to obey God in planting this church. We experienced moderately steady growth. I became involved in the local Chamber of Commerce and discovered a receptive platform for communicating the gospel in that business setting. We even were able to lead a few to the Lord.

However, we have not been able to sustain that growth and momentum, and for more than a year have been in a steady decline. Some moved away or graduated college and left for other pursuits. Some left after discovering that we embrace the gifts of the Holy Spirit and some left because they had personal conflicts with others in the church. Our worship leader resigned to devote his energy to the completion of his doctorate degree. Other emotional setbacks, more personal in nature to several families in the church, rocked our world when a dear friend and founding member passed away after a short battle with cancer.

Charles Schwab included another criteria in defining "noble failure;" "...you need to debrief yourself and ask what you can learn from the experience...".

I have learned much about how to start (and how not to start) a church. I'm sure there are many things we would do differently if we were starting again. I've learned much about myself, the details of which I will reserve communication for another time and format. For now, suffice it to say, my sense of calling into the ministry is only reaffirmed and strengthened through this experience.

While we are sad and disappointed at the results of our efforts, we cannot say we are sorry we embarked on this great adventure. Dallise and I have no regrets about our decision to move here and start this church. We believe it is important to take risks and venture out beyond our comfort zones to attempt great things for God. We are ready for the next "step beyond" in our lives, whatever that may be.

A. J. Valliant, reflecting upon a personal failure, wrote, "I suppose the lesson I took from this is that if we fail with grace and style the end result becomes secondary. It's the purity of our intent, and the depth of our conviction, that informs our worth; not some arbitrary marker of success."

Dallise and I hope you will see godly grace and style evidenced in our lives in the coming days. Be assured our worth is informed by the love of God, and to that love we will cling tenaciously.

We are deeply grateful for the financial, prayer and emotional support from so many of you. Thank you for your confidence in us. "

Now we are two years beyond that "noble failure". So, what's next? I have been working at Chase Bank as a Personal Banker, and have many opportunities for personal ministry to my clients. In that respect, it is fulfilling, but still, "What is ahead?"

This following "Word" was given at our church last Sunday. "... God wants you to KNOW that today is the day of His visitation upon your LIFE! To resurrect dreams, hopes, visions & promises and what you think is dead & gone."

The immediate response of my spirit to this Word was not that I would experience a "resurrection" of dreams or of ministry as I have known it before. What I heard, instantly and instinctively, was that God is birthing a NEW vision, a new dream, a new direction for me and Dallise. That excites me!Dallise and I both feel we may have another two years here in Chicago before we fully understand a new ministry vision and the release to pursue it. Thanks for walking this journey with us in prayer.

By the way, we do not see ourselves as failures in any way, only that we have experienced failure along the way. Even if they had told me about failure in Bible College, I could have learned its lessons only through my personal encounter with it. We can't wait to see what God brings from this past "Noble Failure" we have experienced.

Learning to be Brief...

I took a speech class in high school and again in college. I remember how difficult it was to get through 3 minutes of a speech in front of an unappreciative audience. Even then, I realized it was important to speak with passion, and consequently, took some ribbing from my classmates for trying to be expressive.

I know what it is like to watch a parishioner plug in a set of earphones and listen to his transistor radio as I began to preach. I've watched people disappear from the service and never come back, and it always seems there is someone in the audience who falls asleep. Inevitably, someone would come to me at the end of a sermon and apologize for falling asleep. I had this happen frequently enough that I often publicly assured the congregation that it was OK to fall asleep. I would rather them fall asleep at church than at home in front of the TV. I joked that I sometimes put myself to sleep while I was preaching, and so I would not let my feelings be hurt when others fell asleep.

While I have not always been successful at following my own advice, I have realized that brevity in a sermon actually makes it more memorable. I have worked for years to refine and shorten my sermons. Alas, much of my downfall has been that I so easily stray from my prepared notes just to spontaneously tell a story that comes to mind. Of course, I have great stories to tell!!

At any rate, this week I went back through all my blogs because I discovered there were added comments that I had not seen. In doing so, I noticed something that will not come as much of a surprise to those of you know me. My earlier blogs were relatively short and my later blogs have become increasingly longer.

So, I'm off on a new quest to pare down the length of my reminiscing. Try not to fall asleep while reading these blogs. If you fall asleep while reading my blog, I can only surmise you might think I'm boring. If you do fall asleep, don't tell me; just let me think I'm interesting and you'll make me a happy man.